Nevermind
by Honeycreeper
Summary: What does Eddie think of in those few seconds he kneels and stares at a dead Vic Vega? EddiexVic, very strong language and sexual references. Oneshot


Disclaimer : I own nothing.

foreword : Poor Eddie, I felt so bad when he saw his boyfriend dead. So I wrote his happy memories of love down. Quick note, I throw the F and N word around a lot in this fic because it's in character - if that offends you too much, you might wanna go now.

**Nevermind**

I couldn't believe what I saw. He was there, lying in a pool of blood. Motionless. I knew he was dead, but something told me it couldn't be happening.

A few hours before he was fine, upright, walking, talking, cracking jokes. Smiling that smile of his.

How the fuck did this happen?

His mouth was open and his head was at a strange angle, he looked like he was caught by surprise.

Surprise? Vic was rarely ever surprised - he was a jaded old bastard and kept a straight face no matter what.

It's kind of strange that one of my best friends would become the love of my life.

We used to be just two kids, roaming the city, getting drunk on school nights and having fights in parking lots. That was before we both started working for Daddy. We started that because, well, I was pretty much destined to, and Vic was introduced to it by his brother.

So we went through life together, working together, hanging out together, like brothers. Except we weren't. Except there was more.

I'm not sure when I fell for Vic, but once I did, I fell so hard. He was always beautiful though, even when we were kids he was gorgeous. That's probably when it started, when we were young, and just grew.

There was a moment in time when we went from friends to an item, and it was the difference in one night.

I'll be honest with ya - he was the best fuck I ever had. Better even then those blonde bimbos or those fiery Latinas... they're all pale in comparison.

I don't even know how it happened. He was staying at our house one night and somehow I wandered into his room. We weren't even drunk at the time, the most we could say was slightly buzzed. That was the best night of my life. I woke up next to him at four in the morning, scared out of my fucking mind. I just fucked Vic! How was that possible? I was a straight, good looking bastard and he comes along and fucks it all up. I left then, feeling angry and ashamed. I didn't sleep anymore that night, or the rest of the time he was in our house. He slept til 11 that morning.

We actually never spoke of it. He seemed so comfortable around me, while I squeemed, feeling like a liar in my Dad's house. He would wrestle me on the ground just like we did when we were kids, and I would hate myself for popping a boner every time.

"Look Dad, he's such a faggot! He's trying to rape me!" I would shout, playfully, hoping Dad didn't see through it.

Vic would just smile when I said that and shake his head.

When I got a new girlfriend he didn't seem hurt. God knows I was. I told myself that getting away from him would be better, I would forget. But she didn't take away my thoughts of him.

I guess that's when I realized I was in love with him.

_No way_, I thought, _I am not a fucking faggot! Fuck that!_

Even though I was. There wasn't much denying it. Well, I can't say I was a faggot actually - I usually don't find men very attractive. And I've _never_ met a man I wanted to fuck. No, I only fucked Vic and that was that. I still love women, they're works of art - but Vic is too. He's beautiful in a way I ain't never seen before. I feel like a jackass saying it, but sometimes I thought he was my soul mate.

When he got out of the joint our we were the first people he came to. Seeing him again made me wanna break down and cry. I'd missed the fucking bastard, so much I wished he would just turn Dad in, just so I could see him again.

I grabbed him and kissed him then, and I didn't care what Dad thought about it. He probably just thought it was old friends reuniting, which it was, but we were lovers too.

Daddy told him about the meeting we were having, and he told us about his troubles with Scagnetti. He was such a good guy, he jumped at the chance to come back and work for us again, even after everything. It was fucking stupid I didn't have much time with him until he had to make his curfew, though.

We went out for an early dinner with my Dad, and talked and laughed like the old days. I couldn't keep my eyes off him the whole time.

That was nine months ago. A few weeks ago, Vic got out of the halfway house and came to live with us until he could get his own place. After all, the cut from the diamonds would be more than enough.

I was fucking ecstatic! Vic living at my place? It was like a dream come true to have him so close to me.

The first night he was there I went down to his room pretty late, after everyone had ate dinner and went to their respective resting areas. He was sitting on the bed, his hands in back of him, supporting him, his legs spread and his head tilted back.

"Nice guy. How's it going?"

"Fine." I said, and sat down in the swivel chair at the desk in his room, "So, you didn't tell me much about jail?"

He laughed, "Jail? What's there to tell, it fuckin' sucked."

"Yeah, I can deduct that, asshole, you didn't give me any details."

He shrugged, "I don't know. It was boring. It smelled like piss. My cellmate was a nasty prick."

"Did you fuck him?" I asked, grinning, waiting for him to squirm but he didn't.

"C'mere, Eddie."

"Huh?"

"Get over here." he said, patting the spot next to him on the bed, "I feel like you're miles from me over there."

I went over to him, sat down next to him, and he turned to me, his face serious.

"Eddie, I didn't fuck no guys in the joint, especially no niggers."

"Why not?"

"Well first, they were dirty pricks, fuckin' junkies and shit. Second off, I had protection from connections. No one touched me. I didn't have to touch no one." he leaned in on my ear, "And every night I jerked off thinkin' of you."

I laughed, "Oh, how flattering!" I said sarcastically.

He lunged forward, and actually bit me on the lip.

"You fuckin' bastard!" I screamed, "So fucking kinky, now you're biting me you faggot!"

He pinned me down on the bed, my arms above my head. It was so sexual I can't even explain. Vic grinned, "You know, you're a faggot too."

"Nah, I'm not. This," I said, freeing a hand and gesturing between us, "is special. I wouldn't never fuck no other guys, lest I be tainted. Vic, you are one sexy beast..."

"I know."

We went at it like animals that night, like... like... like gorillas! We went at it like gorillas that night, and I was amazed no one heard all the commotion. Let me say, Vic has the nicest ass I've ever seen, or felt for that matter, and a mouth like a damn vacuum. He fell asleep on top of me, but I didn't complain. I loved the feel of him on me anyway.

I wanted to tell him how I felt, I knew he wouldn't like it, but did it matter?

"Hey, faggot," I said, shaking him a little. He didn't wake, just moaned a little.

"Hey you, I gotta tell you something." Vic was still asleep, the only sound being his breathing, his torso rising and falling steadily. I sighed, "Well, what I wanted to say is that I love you, you fucking psychopathic prick."

It doesn't matter if he heard it or not, at least I said it, and didn't have to say it again because now it was out in the open. He eventually rolled off of me, and in the morning we both woke up, side by side, and preceded to have steamy morning sex. Yeah, that was a good day.

Isn't it strange how every memory can come rushing back in one instant, and you remember them so vividly, and and they're all buzzing at once. Maybe that's what it's like to see your life flash across your eyes. Fuck, my life very well should've passed before my eyes because it was over now. No more Vic. No more wrestling, no more bar hopping, no more telling jokes or laughing at nothing until the late hours of the night. No more morning fucks, no more stealing kisses, no more memories. What I had in my mind was all that was left.

Never mind, it doesn't matter.

I'll never forget our last kiss.

It was only a few hours ago.

It was at the diner. We were getting up to go, everyone was heading out the door to their respective cars. I needed to take a piss. I walked into the bathroom and who do I see perched on the wall? I didn't even see him leave the table.

He was smoking a cig, his sun glasses on.

"Hey, Eddie."

I nodded, "Vic."

He walked up right behind me while I was taking a piss, got real close. I didn't notice though, he's so... _was_ fucking sneaky that way.

"So you ready, Vi--- Shit!" I said, realizing he was right behind me and not on the wall I was calling to.

"Yeah. I'm ready. You?"

I laughed, "It's not like I'm fucking doing anything. I'm paying you to do it for me."

Vic nodded. "Are you gonna wish me good luck?"

"Well yeah, me and Dad were gonna once we got to the store, it's a little premature to wish good luck here. I mean, the luck might run out right?"

Vic shook his head, "No, no, not that, not with those fuckheads. I mean are you gonna wish_ me _good luck."

I failed to see what he was getting at. He stared at me for a moment, as if amused, I looked at him puzzled.

Then he moved in, his lips on mine. He had such nice lips for a guy. Before I knew it he slipped his tongue in, arms wrapping around me. It was like fucking nirvana. Every kiss with him was. It ended to soon, in fact just in time, because some dude walked in a few seconds after he pulled away from me.

Vic wiped his wet mouth, and smiled.

"Thanks." he said, before walking out the door.

I just stood there stunned for a few seconds. The other guy's urine hitting ceramic made me snap out of it.

I wish I had known that would be our last kiss.

"What the fuck happened here?"

I turned towards Orange. That little fucking punk. How dare he! Dammit, it should've been him, not Vic.

Larry is gonna protect that kid til the end though. I can see it. Faggots can't hide from other faggots, and I don't doubt those two have fucked a good number of times. I can just see that kid choking on cum.

"He was gonna burn the cop alive!" Orange said.

He thinks I care about some cop? The love of my fucking life was dead!

Everything spiraled out of control. I didn't want it this way.

My Dad's dead. Vic is dead not even a few yards from me. I'm not feeling too good myself, I know this is probably it. Motherfucker shot me. Guess I can't blame him. What would you do?

Oh fuck, it hurts. There's a lot of blood. I can hear Larry and the kid, they're voices are too quiet for me to make out any words though. I hear sirens in the distance. Maybe I'll live. Maybe. Right after I'm arrested as an accomplice to armed robbery and murder and slapped with a RICO.

But do I want to live in a world without him?

Before I lose consciousness I think of his smile. Vic, _my_ Vic, thanks for the memories.


End file.
